“We Do!” Again!

Our paper work is finished! Now we await our interviews. As exciting as it is to complete this phase, the road to get to this point was long. It was the source of many long days, nights, and days off of work, arguments, and stress. It wasn’t all bad, but this was no small feat. In addition we are planning our family reunion, where over 60 people will descend on our house this Friday. Again, long days, nights, arguments, stress, etc. This has indeed been a long summer, filled with anticipation. But in the midst of us preparing for the day that we receive our precious child, we got so caught up in the process we forgot that we actually have to live and talk about what kind of parents we’re going to be. The foundation of our parenthood of course, is our marriage.

So to make sure that we’re on solid ground, we took part in a marriage seminar (simulcast) this weekend at our church, Lifelong Love Affair (marriagetoday.com). It was awesome! We learned new things and we were reminded of things that we have forgotten or had not considered. We were reminded that we are partners and to do things as such. That while the man is the head, we are equals. We are here to help each other because we can’t accomplish what God designed for us to do alone. We were reminded to serve each other and to treat each other better than we do anyone else. Sometimes we give our best to everyone else and we give our spouse what’s left, if that. But we are to give our best to our spouse. If either one of us is in a foul mood or argumentative, then we fight that “spirit” with love. Fighting fire with fire creates a bigger fire. While this wasn’t necessarily news, the way in which it was presented and was received was new. It was one of the many light bulb moments.

The seminar ended with a renewing of the vows. Not exactly how we pictured renewing our vows in jeans and capris and t-shirts, with thousands of other couples. But the sentiment was there. We removed our rings (well Ted had to pretend to remove my ring. my ring is a little tight ☺) and promised our lifelong love to each other, again. We feel like a brand new couple. We now feel that we can begin our deep discussions of what our lives, as parents will be. Not that we are finished working on us. This will be a continual and necessary process. We have to be committed to each other and take care of our foundation in order to build one for our family. We encourage all of our friends to either formally or informally re-dedicate yourselves to making your marriage all that God intended.

Follow our Blog!

Hello everyone. We just figured this out. We have added two new features to our blog, that will allow you to follow us. Whenever we post new content, you will get an email from our blog. It's really simple and there are two ways to do it. Option 1 - click on the "join this site" button (in the side bar under our logo) to follow our blog, if you have a google, yahoo or twitter account. If you have other email accounts, choose Option 2 (in the sidebar), and enter your email address and press submit. It's that easy!

Let's see how many followers we can get this week. Please share this information with your friends and family.

Let your Light Shine!

I am an avid reader of Our Daily Bread. One of the meditations for the past week was about letting our light shine, no matter who we are. It was referring to the book of Matthew where Jesus encouraged the disciples to let their light shine before men so they may see their good works.

After the past few days, I have an additional view on this phrase. While my husband is a little loud and can let it all hang out, I am much more reserved. As Ted says, I hold my cards close to my chest. However as a couple we are very private. We try to handle everything we do, ourselves. We try not to inconvenience anyone. Over the past couple of weeks we began sending brochures to family and friends announcing our adoption plans and asking for help. This was huge for us as a couple and humbling. This past week, I sent an email to my co-workers, trying to sell items, but I also let people know why I was selling items. Because of my pride, I battled for weeks, whether or not, to let people at work know what we were doing and that we needed help. But I’m so glad I did. People shared some beautiful and inspirational stories (see Share with Us). Also we got our first donation as a result of my sharing!

During the month of August, our pastor has been doing a series on Vision Victory. The essence of it is that if you don’t have vision, you can’t have victory in your life. He also talked about one’s vision being connected to people. In other words, we need people to fulfill our vision. The right people.

Receiving our first donation (Thanks Rodney!) and the promise of others (Thanks Cousin Esther and Candace!) is showing us how people are really connected to our vision. Our vision of having our baby. Our pastor and others at church have prayed for us. People have shared their excitement. But none of this would have happened if we didn’t let our light shine. If we had not shared our story with all of these people, we would be struggling trying to do things on our own and perhaps not seeing the victory that God intends. By us keeping things to ourselves we may have been robbing ourselves of the life we truly desire.

So let your light shine! Share your story. You never know whose heart will be touched by your words, by your mission, or by the way you live your life.

By the way, why are you adopting?

This question may be popping into your mind by now. We realize that going through this process and having a fundraising campaign/blog means that our lives will be fairly open. So we are willing to give a lot of information without totally giving up our privacy. We have considered adoption for several years now. We are just now in a place where we’re ready to put ourselves through the scrutiny the adoption process brings.

In 2008, Ted was diagnosed with prostate cancer. It was a very aggressive form so the doctor recommended a very aggressive treatment. (He is now 4 years CANCER FREE!!) But this also meant that having children the “old fashioned way” would not be possible. We accepted that and looked into adoption. We also prepared for the more non-traditional ways of having children; various forms of artificial insemination. Unfortunately, I also had physical issues, which likely made our attempts unsuccessful. After a year of testing and trying, we decided that the end result was much more important the process. We were more concerned with becoming parents versus how we became parents. So we officially started the adoption process after several years of attending fairs and informationals on adoption. Plus I will be turning the big 4-0 next year so the ticking of my biological clock is making us both deaf ☺

Why private adoption?
In two of our “Adoption 101” posts, you can see that there are several options and that there are cost differences. We did consider adoption through a public agency. We knew that we wanted young children so we could have that experience together. Unfortunately, the public agency was only accepting applications for children within a certain age range. No matter how hard we tried, we could not convince them of our willingness to adopt in their age range. They know that we really wanted an infant. So we returned to the option of private adoption. The plus side is that adopting an infant even a newborn is highly likely, especially for us. The downside of course is the expense and the uncertainty that goes with it (will the birthparents like us and choose us?)

Worth the wait
This morning I was reading “Our Daily Bread” (odb.org/) and the title of today’s entry was, “Worth the Wait”. The author was referencing Heaven and how all of the trials and twists and turns that Christians have faced will be well worth it once they see Heaven. Well I think of our process in this same way. We have chosen a more rigorous agency so every adoption is not like ours. But we do believe that once we go through it and have our precious baby or babies (would love to have more than one), it will be worth the wait.

I have also written an essay about our journey here. If I get the nerve perhaps I will post it one day ☺ (Big shout out to my summer writers institute classmates and our extraordinary teacher, Kathleen Finneran!)



Post by C. Shadding

Having fun at the Y-M-C-A

Our day of CPR training. We actually learned a lot. As you can see we had some fun too. Ted got a kick out of telling everyone that I am a germ-a-phobe. He loves looking into to the future wondering how I'm going to change a diaper or clean up baby vomit. I will rise to the occasion for sure :) I'll just keep my hand sanitizer and wipes close by. haha!

I had a "leg injury" and Ted is practicing what to do

Poor baby

1and2and3and4and....

Ted distracting his rescuers with his jokes

This is a bit tongue and cheek. But after today we will know how to save a life. We're on our way to CPR training. :)

The Homestudy aka the “vetting” process

And we thought the application was thorough! The homestudy is the period where an agency “checks out” the couple or person who has applied for adoption. We are in this part of the process now. For us, it has involved mounds of paperwork including checking our references (employers, family, friends, church), which we have heard from our family and friends, that these forms were no small feat. So we pause to give a quick shout out to our references. Thank You!!

We also had to undergo background checks. The agency submitted forms on our behalf to EVERY state where we have lived. We also had to do fingerprinting.
We completed forms to assess our physical and mental health as well as that of our parents, siblings, etc. Forms to discuss our backgrounds growing up (basically, did we like our parents and do we have any childhood issues that may re-surface). We completed an assessment to evaluate our feelings for each other and our life together (should be an interesting conversation at our interviews). We submitted financial statements, proof of health insurance, tax documents, etc.

For some agencies we investigated this process can take up to 6 months. For the one we chose, the process was slated to take only 3 months. We will be at 90 days on August 25th, so it may take a little longer to be completely finished. Some of this will depend on the rest of our references and background checks.
A crucial component to our homestudy is the training. To qualify for the homestudy, we had to attend an 8-hour workshop with the agency, in addition to the formal application. Here we learned about what to expect in adoption. It was very informative. But we also met adoptive parents as well as birth mothers who passionately described what it was like for them to make the decision to allow someone else to parent their child. It was so touching.

We are continuing our training by reading 3 books along with book reports for each. We both have to read the books and submit separate book reports. Guess which one of us is almost finished ☺

So we are almost finished with our end of the homestudy paperwork. We will take a CPR class on Saturday and once we finish the book reports our part will be complete for the paperwork.

Once the paperwork is submitted and reviewed, and approved, then we will have 3 interviews with our adoption specialist, where she will come to our home and interview us individually and then together. She will check out our home and see if it’s suitable. But mostly she will be giving us the “once over” to make sure we’re stable enough for a child. This will certainly be an interesting post(s) once we get to this phase of the homestudy. We should be ready to run for office when this is done ☺

After the homestudy, we officially enter what is known through our agency, as the Domestic Program, where birthmothers will be able to look at our profile and hopefully decide that we are the parents she wants for her child.

We are looking forward to this day.

Adoption 101 – How much does it cost?

Adoption costs may be the determining factor as to when or whether a couple adopts. The costs vary depending on the adoption type. In general the costs can range from $0 to $40,000 or more.

Here are the costs according to ago.mo.gov
Private agency - $4,000 - $30,000
Independent - $5,000 - $40,000 (there is potential that the costs can be greater, due to additional legal fees)
Public – $0 - $3,500
International - $7,000 - $35,000 (international agencies can impose additional fees and the costs may depend on the amount of travel required)


Our costs will be close to $25,000+. These costs include:
The formal application fee and training workshop - ~$600.00
Homestudy - $2,100
Domestic Program - $4,500
Placement fee - $13,300
Post placement fee - $950.00
Lawyer fees - $2,500— $4,000

How do couples afford adoption?
• There are grants available for adoptions. The applications are also pretty involved from what we have seen thus far. These are probably most advantageous for couples with a longer wait period. So far from what we have seen, you must have an approved homestudy before you apply. Our concern and joy, is that our wait period may be relatively short, leaving us little time to apply or even get the grant money in time for placement. But this is still an option for us.
• Some couples borrow money from banks, credit cards, family, friends (we owe enough money to banks thanks to the Ph.D in the house ☺)
• Some may start businesses or sell lots of stuff through fundraisers
• Some couples simply ask for help from people they know
We are choosing the fundraiser and donation options because we really want to do this debt-free if at all possible.

We will be hosting fundraisers and we have also included a donate button where donations can be made securely through PayPal.

We would love to hear your fundraising ideas as well. Either post a comment here or go to “Share with us” in the tab bar above.

Adoption 101 - Types of Adoption

There are several types of adoption. The broadest categories are probably domestic and international adoption.

Domestic Adoption – here we will discuss three types: private agency, independent and public agency.
Private agency - these agencies work with both the birth parents and the adoptive parents. They typically provide workshops, training and counseling for both entities. Some encourage open adoption, where there is some level of communication between the birth parents, adoptive parents and the adoptee (The adoption triangle). Costs include the homestudy, placement costs and can include medical expenses and living expenses for the birth mother. The agency usually has some minimum requirements for the birthparents. The homestudy can be quite extensive with this type of adoption. Also the birth parents choose who will adopt their baby. This type of adoption can be quite long in some cases, namely for white infants.

Independent – this involves working with a lawyer or possibly an adoption facilitator. The adoptive parents have more control over the process and control the search for a birth mother. The wait time can be relatively short and largely depends on finding a birth parent. The fees can be unpredictable and not as closely regulated as private or public agency adoption.

Public agency/Foster Care adoption – children who may have been taken away form their homes due to neglect, abuse or the death of their parents may be placed in foster care. The state works with the birth parents to determine their fit to parent again. If it is determined either by the state or the birth parents, then the child will become eligible for adoption. The great benefit here, is that this is usually free to adopt via this mechanism or of low cost. And there are subsidies that are provided by the state. However, the children are usually older and may have a variety of emotional, learning or physical issues, due to their history, that prospective adoptive parents must honestly consider.

With some caveats, in most cases for domestic adoption, the parent has to terminate parental rights (TPR) before a child may be legally adopted by prospective parents.

International Adoption:
This form of adoption has gained popularity over the years. In 2005, it was reported that more than 20,000 children from abroad were adopted. The orphanages and agencies abroad largely control this process and work with an agency or a lawyer or the adoptive parents directly. Thus concern over a birthmother changing her mind is minimized. There are many things to consider, like travel, cultural differences, possibly other factors. The time for international adoption in some cases may be shorter than domestic adoption, especially for parents who were initially interested in adopting a healthy white, infant. Some of the more popular countries for US parents are: China, Korea, and Latin America. The countries where adoptions are possible will depend on the political climate of that country which can dictate the quality of the adoption process.

This is just a quick overview of the types of adoption. The next post will cover costs for each type. For more information on the types of adoption: visit ago.mo.gov. A great resource on international adoption is The Whole Life Adoption Book by Schooler and Atwood.

Adoption 101 – The Process

Many people have asked us about the process, so we thought it would be a great idea to give an overview from what we have learned so far from our experience. We don’t know how many parts there will be to this “101” posting, but we want to be informative without being overwhelming. We are still relatively new and we're getting a crash course in adoption. We learn something new almost everyday.

After a couple or person, has decided to adopt, the first step is to seek what type of adoption is most suitable for you, public (run by the states) or private. We have chosen a private agency, Bethany Christian Services (we are not promoting them in any way, just stating a fact). We will do a separate post on the types of adoption, because there are several options.

Here's the basic outline of the adoption process as we know it:
1) Gather information (do your research, attend informational sessions, etc)
2) Complete the formal application (we also had to complete a preliminary application in order to qualify for the formal application)
3) Begin the Homestudy phase (this occurs once the formal application is approved; this is very involved, and requires a separate post entirely--- this part of the process can take several months. We are here!)
4) Officially enter the waiting list for a placement (the waiting period varies by adoption method and the “characteristics” of the child desired” (e.g. ethnicity, age, special needs, etc)
5) Placement of the child (depending on the adoption type, some placements may have legal risks)
6) Adoption finalization (after some time (~6 months or so), the adoption is finalized through the court system; the adoptive parents can officially give their child their last name)

The length of this entire process varies. We have read where some couples have waited for 5-7 years for placement! But we have witnessed where couples waited for only 6-8 weeks for placement after their homestudy. We believe that our placement will be in the much shorter range, because of our interest in an African-American infant.

Because of this timeline, we are in frenzy with everything. Learning about adoption, going through the process, figuring out how to get money for the process and the list goes on. Oh yeah, and we have to prepare to be actual parents! It’s exhausting to think about, but we are so excited to have this opportunity.

Follow our day-to-day journey on Twitter @OHD_psalm374.

Welcome to our adoption blog!

We hope that you enjoy the many posts that are to come. We will walk you through our journey into parenthood through adoption. And it indeed is a journey. Our commitment is being tested daily. But we are so excited and thrilled. We are blessed and honored that God has placed this on our hearts. You will get to know us and perhaps some of our family members ☺. More importantly we hope this will be quite educational for you. So far when we tell people the things that we have encountered in the process, they are mesmerized. We are certain that we will be very loud advocates when we have completed the process. It is also our hope that you will be led to contribute to our adoption fund and participate in our fundraisers.

Thank you and welcome to our life. Ted and Cherilynn