The Deal Breaker

Last weekend we were on cloud nine as we finally saw the precious baby we had been waiting for. The thrill of being chosen by a birthmom, then meeting her and seeing her baby bump and the ultrasound pictures, had come to fruition. Although the baby had to be placed in “interim” care we were allowed to visit. Our visits were so wonderful! We fed him, changed him, and even went with him to his first doctor’s visit. I was having the time of my life! I had finally entered a world that I thought at one point would escape me.

On Tuesday afternoon, around 3 or so, we got a call from our caseworker. We were at the house of the foster family visiting with the baby. She called to see how our visits were going but also to give me information to prepare for our meeting with our lawyer, which was to be on that Thursday. Our agency had some “baby daddy” issues with some recent adoptions where the fathers came back to contest their rights being taken without their knowledge. This happens when a birthmom states that she doesn’t know whom the father is and she sticks with that story. Our birthmom said she didn’t know but even in our meeting she let it slip that she did know. Because of that Lana, our worker said that it would be in our best interest that they find the birthfather. Which would mean that it would take longer before we could have custody of  “Teddy Grahams”.

Ted was playing with the baby. I came back and sat on the couch. Ted said, “What did she say?” I told him. He reassured that everything would be okay.

Ted gave me the baby and I looked in the baby’s eyes, which he seemed to open when we were around. I said to him “It’s ok. We’re going to fight for you sweetie.” All the while not realizing we had brought a stick to a knife fight.

We explained to the foster parents what happened and they prayed with us. We also told them that the birthmom was to sign consents that day. By law in Missouri, the birthparents can’t sign consents until 48 hours after the birth of the baby. Since the 48 hour period was at night on a weekend that meant we had to wait. The birthmom’s caseworker was also to press her for more information about the birthfather at the time of their meeting. This made me nervous, but we tried to think best-case scenario. If she would just give the information and they found the birthfather and he consented, then that would cut down on our wait time and it would be a done deal. Case closed.

Not so fast. I was not prepared for what was to come. On our drive home we got another phone call from Lana.

“Hi Cherilynn”

“Hi Lana”

“Are you sitting down?  Are you driving?” she asked in a sympathetic voice.

This couldn’t be good. I didn’t tell her that Ted was driving. “Yes Lana, What’s up? What’s going on?”

“I’m so sorry to have to tell you this,  but the birthmom changed her mind…She told her worker she wants the baby back. She feels she can handle it.”

I felt like I was going into a state of shock. Like all of my blood was leaving my body. If I didn’t know better I would swear that I had died that very moment.
 

I uttered some sounds and Lana continued, “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. We can meet this week when you’re ready. I can let you process this and you let me know what you want to do. I’m so sorry. I really hate this.”

I said goodbye and hung up. We were getting fairly close to our house. But since Ted knew who I was talking to there was no way I could get away with waiting to tell him the news until we got home. So I just blurted it out.

“She changed her mind!”

He hit his hand on the steering wheel “If I knew this was the last time I would see him… DAMN IT!”

We were in shock and disbelief the rest of the evening and the next day. We were concerned about the birthfather, but not her. She convinced us that she wanted to get her life together. Did she get it together in two days? She told us this is your baby. She wanted him to have the life that she couldn’t provide. We knew she loved him. We knew it would be difficult for her. We saw the pain in her face when we met her and when she said “goodbye” or should I say “goodbye for now” at the hospital. We tried to be respectful of that. But the one thing we were convinced of is that she would not change her mind.

Yet she did.