Preparing the Way

Over the past week and a half we have been in prep mode. We have painted the room bright golden yellow (will post pics). A major change for our very beige house. Now we’re ready to decorate with our Peeking Pooh accents. We have interviewed 3 pediatricians. We are still deciding whom to choose, although we’re pretty confident it’s not the third person. We have been busy for sure and it’s only the beginning. I have to make guest lists for the baby shower(s) that friends and family want to have. I need to add more items to our registries. And the big one is that we meet the birthmom this Friday! Two weeks ago this meeting seemed so far off and I felt like a kid during Christmas time. Just anxiously awaiting and hoping the day would hurry up and get here. I didn’t think I would be able to function, but I have managed.

There are some many things I want to ask and things I want to know. We plan to arrive early so we can be calm and get there before her we hope. I’m trying to figure out what to wear. Dress up or dress down? Do I go for the diva mom look or plain Jane look? Shake hands or hug her? We can bring her a gift, but I don’t know what to bring. Our worker suggested a gift basket with cozy socks and foot lotions or something. Sounds good but will she think we’re suggesting she has bad feet? I have some beautiful Avon jewelry but is that too cheap? Ugh! Who knows? We have an article to read before Friday to help us prepare. I haven’t read it yet, but I hope it will help. It will at least guide our questions.

Our main goal is not to blow it. Nothing is final at this point, which adds to my nervousness. I don’t always make the best first impressions with women and I’m impatient and at times my thoughts show on my face. On second thought, maybe Ted should go by himself ☺ This is more than a meeting it’s also a negotiation. We will talk about the level of openness we’re all comfortable with e.g., visits, phone calls, pictures, etc. We’ll discuss a hospital plan, whether we can be in the room at birth or simply at the hospital (which we will likely insist at least on being at the hospital). How do we smooth the edges if she wants something that we don’t want and vice versa? The big thorn in our side is the name.

We just assumed that we would be able to name him ourselves. This may be true. However the birthmom at least gets to voice her opinion or make a suggestion, if she wants. Our worker, “Lana” suggests that we listen to what she has to say. Lana and I, had a rather heated, at least on my part, email exchange last week about naming the baby. As the adoptive parents, we can change the name on the birth certificate later on, but Lana says that could damage the relationship we have with the birthmom, after all she is giving us her most precious gift and ideally our relationship with her will be lifelong. I was livid when I got this message. We don’t know what our birthmom has in mind; she may not want anything to do with naming the baby so this is all hypothetical. But after my exchange with Lana, the reality of private adoption via an agency really hit me in the face. They definitely cater to the birthmom. My thoughts are who caters to us? I sympathize with the birthmom and I couldn’t imagine placing a child for adoption. But what about us couples who wish they could at least have a baby in the first place. What about the sacrifices we have made? They have dug through our history, checked every state in which we’ve resided, called our friends and our church. I would say they’ve done everything but ask for blood, but we had to do that to! Not to mention the finances! Yes, adoption is our choice, but it ain’t cheap (poor grammar intended). The least we can do is name the child without interference. After all we’re going to be calling his name everyday, to say “I love you” or “pick up that toy” or “did you do your homework?”, not the birthmom. Ok. I feel better now. I had to get that off of my chest. This is how Ted and I both feel, but we have to settle down and play nice on Friday. It’s worth stating here that Ted and I are having difficulty on our own deciding on a name, although I have waved the white flag and have reluctantly accepted the name “Theodore”, the middle name is still up in the air. Ted told me that Theodore means “gift of God”. I laughed because I thought surely that couldn’t be right. But that is what it means. So what name could be more appropriate than this?

Continue to pray for us. Pray for me especially that God’s countenance show on my face and not my real one and that Ted’s jokes aren’t too inappropriate. Maybe we’ll just grin and nod the whole time. Yeah, that’s the ticket.


(Note: The birthmom meeting will be held at the adoption agency and will be mediated by Lana, just in case you were wondering)